“Padded Bras Are Devil’s Cushions” says Council of Islamic Ideology
Lahore — The Council of Islamic Ideology met last night as scheduled in light of the protests held last month by JUI and other religious parties against the increasing import and eventual use of padded and colorful bras.
The Council also invited shop owners who were in the business of importing and selling female underwear. The Council advised the shop owners to bring lingerie samples, so that the council could see about what the protesters were angry. Last month the protesters gathered outside an outlet inside Park Towers and occupied the entire floor and chanted slogans against padded bras. They asked the government to put a ban on the import and sale of padded, vibrant, colorful bras and demanded legislation that would outlaw the purchase of any underwear that is not white or beige colored.
“Padded bras are evil as they make the breasts look bigger and perky”, said one of the protesters. “Only devil women show off private parts. Muslim women should be as humble about them as they can. In fact they should be ashamed of their breasts, both of them.” Another protester said that the purpose of underwear is not to accentuate the curves. “…especially of a woman’s body the breast should not look like they belong to a non-virgin even if she happens to be married.” he added.
“Those lacy bras? They are an abomination! Do you even know how they’re made? They’re made in China by underfed and underpaid children. That’s how they’re made.” said a placard that was held by a protester. They chanted slogans as the Mall security stood and watched helplessly while three female customers and two employees locked themselves inside the store. The third employee of the store who was on a break before the protest began, joined the protesters and was cheered up on by the crowd after she announced, “I will not wear these sinful, men-attracting padded bras that make my jugs look juicy.”
She then ripped out her bra and threw it on the ground where the protesters stomped on it repeatedly. She was later thrown an abaya by someone in the crowd. After the meeting of the Council was over, the recommendation was released to the media that says, “Padded bras are Devil’s cushions and he likes to rest of them. The Council of Islamic Ideology is recommending that Pakistani Muslim researchers should try to invent a bra that makes the female chest area unnoticeable.”
Zakir Naik, one of the leading Islamic scholars commented on the situation that if the Pakistani government approves of the funding grant for this research and if Pakistan is successful at making such a bra that makes the chest of women unnoticeable, Pakistan might become the biggest exporter for Shariah compliant underwear. He said that he’d personally sign and send the first of these Shariah-bra to Veena Malik and Ali Saleem.